College. Studying. Papers. Work. Family. Friends. Relationships. Laundry day.
It’s a lot to handle and frankly I wasn’t as prepared for it as I thought I was.
Freshman Year 2014-2015: I had everything figured out. I knew how much I could drink and how late I could stay up without feeling terrible the next day. I knew how many classes I could skip before it would start impacting my grades. I even knew that as long as I pretended everything was okay, it was. That was until I found out my first college relationship was built on deception. Then everything came into light. I realized I had actually nothing figured out and if I kept going at the pace I was going I would actually self-destruct; and that was not me.
Sophomore Year 2015-2016: After the travesty that was my freshman year, it became apparent that I needed some time off. I needed a break from University and some time to find myself. So, I left all of my friends and the bad decisions, moved back home and enrolled in community college. That decision was the best decision I ever made. Obviously I missed my freedom and friends, but living at home, driving to class, and having a job gave me the exact structure I needed. Not to mention during this semester “break” I found the ‘perfect man’. You know, the guy who understands and supports you in everything. The guy who the second after you meet them you know you will never be able to not know them. The guy who 11 months after meeting and 10 months of dating I am still, unfathomably in love with.
Fall semester didn’t last long though and I made the decision to transfer back to university and with the support of my family and boyfriend, I knew it would be better the second time around. I was wrong. Apparently I am one of those beautiful humans that only thrive with structure and without it I turn into a slimy ball of depression.
Junior Year 2016: So far it is only four weeks into my Junior year at university and honestly I am not sure what to think. I have my friends back, I have an organization system, I’m in bed by 11pm every night, and I’m still rocking this whole distance thing with my boyfriend. However, driving home every weekend to work endless night shifts is more tolling than I thought. Not only does it throw off my sleep schedule, but it is also just plain exhausting. Between work, classes, homework, laundry, and socializing, along with keeping in contact with those farther away, it all seems impossible when you look at it as a whole. However, I wouldn’t change a single thing.
I am currently working at a job that is going to enhance my future career goals an exponential amount. I am taking classes that are preparing me for this future career I dream so fondly about. Not being around the people I love everyday makes the hours we have together that much more enjoyable. And, I am also growing closer to God and growing stronger in my faith, because without Him, there is absolutely no way I would still be functioning. He has blessed me with patience and a generally positive outlook, along with giving me not only a family that always supports me and loves me, but also someone who chooses to love me no matter how much we both seem to be struggling.
It’s easy to think you have everything together. It’s easy to pretend life is great and you are having the ‘perfect college experience’, but to be honest I would rather struggle everyday while at university and have an amazing adult life, than party every weekend and secretly hate myself.
I still have a lot of growing to do, I have many lessons to learn, and I may cry a lot now, but one day it will all be worth it.
Stay Cool and Stay Smart. May you reach all of your goals and fight your own demons. Much Love ❤